Your script for "Dragons in Manhattan", while exciting, contains
a number of implausible elements that need to be addressed in more detail.
For example, there is the assumption of a multitude of undiscovered dragon
nests with eggs atop many Manhattan skyscrapers. How did the nests and eggs
get there if no dragons have been seen flying about? Likewise, your lead character
"Vinnie the Cab Driver" does not seem to have a suitable occupation
to enable the initial discovery to take place. Perhaps "Vinnie the Window
Washer" would work better.
Traditionally, dragons are fire-breathers. If your dragons shoot laserbeams
instead, then you will need to counter the audience's reaction to something
that unexpected. That is not saying that laserbeams can't be fun, but the
general audience is probably hoping to see some fire.
It is a nice touch that dragons can scale buildings, though they can also
fly. Vinnie's cousin Marcie and her boyfriend Jerry are also very sympathetic
characters. Police Commissioner Baynard is a touch too angry to be believable--I
don't think he would hit people with a bullhorn quite so often. Using police
helicopters against the dragons is certainly exciting though. If Vinnie is
going to fly a helicopter to save Janet, you might have him pick up a few
lessons or reveal that he was a down-on-his-luck navy seal.
Dragons are well-known story villain, so it might benefit the plot to make
some original points about them. Where do they come from? What are they capable
of? You might want to stretch the genre. Since you are taking about a few
hundred dragons, it is probably best not to have "King" dragon or
other anthropomorphic villain as a focal point to the story. This would require
"double-villainy". That is, not only is "Rex" a dragon,
but he is a no-good, dirty, low-down and mean dragon with an attitude! He
might as well be human in that case.